Hope Reflected

Encouragement and Hope from God's Word

think before you speak Archive

Thursday

4

January 2024

Gossiping gives no grace

Written by , Posted in Christian Living, Published Work

"Where no wood is, there the fire goes out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth." (Proverbs 26:20) | Read more about gossip on hopereflected.com

“Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.” (Proverbs 26:20)

We are wise not to speak when we don’t have all the facts. Gossiping gives no grace and only gives us a false sense of importance when in fact it is a fruitless exercise. “He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips.” (Proverbs 20:19).

When it comes to slanderers, Proverbs 20:19 gives us wise instruction: Steer clear, avoid sharing sensitive information, and be smart. Let’s call gossiping out for what it is—evil (James 3:15-16). I don’t think I am alone in learning the hard way that no good comes from speaking when we don’t have all the facts.

Think before you speak

While we can apologize for what we say, we can’t take it back, and so it is critically important that we think before we speak. We are not the first generation to be faced with this challenge; there are so many examples of the consequences of the tongue throughout Scripture.

David wrote in Psalm 101:5, “Whoso privily slandereth his neighbour, him will I cut off: him that hath an high look and a proud heart will not I suffer.”

Our speech often reveals our pride, and unfortunately, to boost their self-importance, some people purposely speak lies about others and put them down. Matthew Henry wrote that “Many endeavour to raise themselves into the favour of princes by unjust representations of persons and things, which they think will please their prince.”

There is a reason that “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour” (Exodus 20:16) is included as one of the ten commandments.

What to do when you’re the target of gossip

Conversely, when we are the target of gossip and slander, we must be equally as careful to guard our tongues.

We need to watch what we say when we’re hurt or angry.

Solomon wrote “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1). We know what keeps the peace (it’s not speaking when we’re angry). The trouble is, it’s upsetting when someone calls our character into question. It’s when we’re overly emotional that we endanger ourselves and can lose control of our tongues.

It is a characteristic of the wise to hold the tongue in the heat of anger— “The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.” (Proverbs 19:1)—and even more a demonstration of wisdom to overlook an offense.

Rather than react without thinking, we ought as Matthew Henry wrote to “Give it time, and it will cool.”

Death and life are in the power of the tongue

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue:
and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”

Proverbs 18:21

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” (Proverbs 18:21). Matthew Henry wrote that “Many a one has been his own death by a foul tongue, or the death of others by a false tongue; and on the contrary, many a one has saved his own life, or procured the comfort of it, by a prudent gentle tongue, and saved the lives of others by a seasonable testimony or intercession for them.”

Originally published as “Gossiping gives no grace.” Independent Plus. August 18, 2022: 5. Print. Web.

Friday

29

September 2023

What are you getting at?

Written by , Posted in Christian Living, Published Work

Verses from the book of Proverbs about thinking before we speak

Verses from Proverbs about thinking before you speak. Read more on hopereflected.com

Getting the last word

Proverbs 4:7 tells us that “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.”

It seems in life that we use all our getting for things other than wisdom and understanding.

In conversation, we’re more eager about getting the last word in than we are actually listening to what others have to say. We get caught up in getting everything off our chests and venting instead of waiting to react and respond. We’re taken up with getting, but sometimes what we’re getting isn’t good for us, and makes us into fools instead of wise people.  

Responding without listening

We’re all guilty of it; in the middle of a conversation, instead of actively listening, we tend to formulate our next statement.

Proverbs 14:3 says that “In the mouth of the foolish is a rod of pride: but the lips of the wise shall preserve them.”

When we respond without listening, we are being foolish. Matthew Henry wrote that “Where there is pride in the heart, and no wisdom in the head to suppress it, it commonly shows itself in the words…”. Someone once said that the problem with closed-minded people is that their mouths are always open. People who are closed-minded are often that way because they’re more interested in the sound of their own voice than they are in listening to what others have to say.

Getting everything off your chest

As Proverbs 18:2 tells us, “A fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself.” Wise people want to understand, and so they think before they speak. They’re more interested in getting understanding than they are getting the last word.

While a fool is more interested in getting everything off his chest, a wise person understands the value in purposefully processing before speaking. Wise people think before they speak. “A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.” (Proverbs 29:11).

Holding your peace

At one time or another, we’ve all been reminded to “sleep on it” or to “take a breath” before responding to a rude comment, a terse work email, or a backwards compliment. Sometimes, a fresh perspective helps us see that perhaps no response is best. Careful consideration in a conversation can save us from saying something we’ll regret.

I believe it was Mark Twain who wrote that “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt.” In Proverbs 17:28 we read that “Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.”

Getting understanding > getting your point across

This is not to suggest that we should go around quietly and never speak up and speak out, however we ought to know when to speak and when to hold our tongues. While getting everything off our chests may be tempting, there is a time and place to speak and to be silent.

When it comes to our words, we should be more interested in getting understanding than getting our point across.

Originally published as “What are you getting at?” Independent Plus. July 14, 2022: 5. Print. Web.

Wednesday

7

December 2016

Wednesday Wisdom: Guard Your Mouth and Your Tongue

Written by , Posted in Christian Living, Wednesday Wisdom

guard your mouth and your tongue

“Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.” Proverbs 21:23

Guarding my tongue can be a challenge. Evidently, I’m not the only one, as throughout the Bible we read of various examples of men and women who learned the importance of guarding their mouths and tongues. Often seen as a sign of wisdom, there is a quote that says, “Wise men are not always silent, but they know when to be.” It’s important to learn when to speak, and when to hold your tongue. It’s not always easy, but if you get in the practice of tasting your words before you speak them, guarding your mouth and your tongue gets easier. The art of knowing when to speak and when to hold your tongue, is a life-long learning process, I’m convinced.

Here are some verses that speak about guarding your mouth and thinking before you speak:

  • “Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.” Psalm 141:3
  • “An evil man is ensnared by the transgression of his lips, but the righteous will escape from trouble.” Proverbs 12:13
  • “The one who guards his mouth preserves his life; the one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.” Proverbs 13:3
  • “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21

“Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.” Proverbs 21:23